


Gray

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, M/M, Medication side effects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1896837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought the medication would be the cure all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gray

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by sodecember: I love your Bipolar!Blaine ‘verse. May we please have more?
> 
> Prompt #683 (by anonymous) Date: February 4, 2014 Prompt: Blaine is on antidepressants, and one of the side effects is inability to orgasm. would you mind filling out this blangst prompt? thanks :)
> 
> Prompt: Blaine has been depressed on and off for his whole life. He doesn’t realize it until he goes to a therapist in college and is diagnosed, but he suffers from Bipolar II.

It was a weird feeling, not having that lingering sadness hovering over him. 

He had been living with it for so long that he didn’t even really see it as a problem. It was just something that happened every so often. Sometimes, he was the Blaine who bounced off of furniture and sometimes he was the Blaine who couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. 

After moving to New York, it almost became too much. The city was grey and cold and so were the people who lived there. His classmates were hyper competitive and didn’t have the feeling of love that his friends did. His professors were harsh and cut him down for no reason.

Blaine couldn’t honestly understand why Kurt loved it here.

Then, he was struck with the horrible idea that maybe there was something wrong with him. Maybe it wasn’t normal to bounce from being almost too happy to almost too sad. It wasn’t normal to struggle this much to go about his everyday life.

Kurt had listened to his whispered concerns and held him tightly. He had gently run his fingers through his hair and nodded as Blaine quietly cried. 

“Maybe you should see a therapist?” 

Blaine hated the idea that something was wrong with him. He had tried so hard to keep a perfect appearance and hated that there could be a flaw. He just felt sad, why couldn’t he control that? Emotions were something that most people should have control over. He shouldn’t feel like this for no reason.

The therapist that NYADA assigned him to was a sweet young girl who had just graduated from NYU. She had explained that sometimes it was just in the brain chemistry. Once the weight that had been on his shoulders had a name, Blaine felt like he finally could breathe.

Bipolar II. 

He was bipolar. It wasn’t something he should be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It was just a different type of brain chemistry that could be helped by coping techniques and medication.

Finally Blaine felt like he could step out of the current into calmer waters. With the medication it became easier to smile, the world seemed brighter, and he had the energy to live life again.

There were side effects to the medication though. 

He felt a little restless and found it hard to go to sleep. Most nights, Blaine found himself staring at the ceiling as he listened to Kurt’s soft breathing. He gained a little weight and had the occasional headache.

But the worst was that he had almost zero sex drive. 

It seemed like such a silly thing to be upset about but it was really bothering him. At night, Kurt would press up against him and he tried so, so hard to get interested. Blaine would close his eyes and rock his hips against his fiancé, wanting so badly to give him what he wanted. 

“Is something wrong?” Kurt frowned, leaning back. “Are you tired or something?”

“Yeah,” Blaine nodded slightly, biting his lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Kurt kissed his temple. “Let’s just go to bed.”

And he  _tried._  He tried so hard to do something that most twenty year olds took for granted. He just wanted to have sex with his fiancé. For a while, Blaine was able to hide it. He almost always convinced Kurt to let him bottom and for them to face away from each other, scared about how Kurt react to his non…interest.

He bit his lip and blinked back tears, trying desperately to bring…something to their session. Blaine’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the headboard and gritted his teeth as Kurt sped up. 

“Wait,” he gasped out as Kurt’s hand slid between his legs. 

“What’s wrong,” Kurt breathed, stopping. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, no,” Blaine blinked back tears. “Can you get off?”

Kurt scrambled back quickly, careful to not hurt Blaine. With a huff, Blaine flopped on his back and covered his face with his hands. After a few moments, Kurt lightly tugged on his arms.

“Honey? You’re scaring me,” it was clear that he tried to make it sound like a joke but his voice waved.

“I can’t get a boner,” Blaine said, muffled slightly by his hands. 

“What?” Kurt barked out a laugh, relieved it wasn’t him hurting Blaine. When Blaine didn’t respond, he got serious quickly. “Sweetheart? Talk to me.”

“I think it’s the meds,” he still refused to take his hands down. “Erectile dysfunction is pretty common with the antidepressants. I just…I’m sorry. Nothing is working.”

“It’s fine!” Kurt pried his hands off his face. “Blaine, I’m not mad. I swear. This isn’t important, I don’t care.”

“I do!” Blaine tried not to shout. “I care. It was something we shared and my stupid medication is ruining it.”

“I don’t want you to stop taking it,” Kurt gently took a hand and massaged his fingers, one by one. “It is helping you so much. What if you got a different dose or tried a different medication? We can talk to your doctor.”

“I don’t think it’ll be that easy,” Blaine sighed.

“For better or worse remember?” Kurt kissed him. “That’s what we’re promising.”


End file.
